William O. Wing - Writer
 
               Kids Dictionary

Before you start readin’ my story it would be helpful to understand some of the peculiarities of how we kids converse. So I’ve put together a dictionary of kids' words for you “grownups,” since any eleven year old with a whiff of smarts certainly doesn’t require such information; however, it appears you “big people” need a bit of a primer, kinda like “Ned and the First Reader” to help with some of the basic everyday terminology we kids use. So here are a few …
 
 
Tormentation” [noun] … This takes the word torment to a far higher level than thought humanly possible, which can only be achieved by raising the bar of grief, worry, pain and suffering with a unique word which simply “sez it all.”
 
As in: “My name is Mary Margaret Muldoon and I told the little stinker to stop it! So after he pulled my pigtails for the umpteenth time the tormentation was more than I can stand, therefore I’ve decided to kick him in the shin … and if he still doesn’t stop … somewhere higher.” 
 
Spoken by a six year old girl, referring to a stinky eight year old boy who is driving her nuts … but won’t be in a few seconds.
 
 
Frigin' [noun/verb/adj.?] … To be perfectly honest I really don’t know what this frigin' word means. I just hear my Uncle Charles use it when he gets fussed from time to time and is prone to speak a little four letter “French,” though he says this isn’t a frigin' French word so it’s okay for me to use when I get in a huff or just want to throw it in a sentence if I feel like it ought to be there … at least that’s what my Uncle Charles says.
 
As in: Uncle Charles shouted, “Its so frigin' cold outside if I opened my frigin' mouth my frigin' tongue would freeze solid.” Aunt Laura responded, “Then keep your frigin' mouth closed dumbo.” There's more:
 
As in: Uncle C again, “If the frigin' neighbor’s frigin' dog doesn’t stop barking, I’m going to barbeque that frigin mutt for dinner.” Aunt Laura responded, “Well honey, if you cook that frigin' mutt, you frigin better be ready to frigin' eat him.”
 
 
 
Bidness [noun] … This actually is a word that three and four-year-olds use but every now and then it slips into us eleven-year-olds' vocabulary, so I thought I'd just throw it in the pot. You grown ups would pronounce it “business” so that should clear up its meaning, sorta.
 
As in: “Little Lucy Mae Morrison told little Farley ‘Fortface’ Finke to mind his own ‘bidness’ but he kept looking under her dress so she gave him a good hard kick in his ‘bidness’ with one of her Buster Brown shoes. Now her ‘bidness’ is no longer his ‘bidness,’ if you can follow all that?”
 
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